A huge part of personal development along with forgiveness, is learning to let go. The gift of non-attachment is a big one. It is also an incredibly freeing tool. If you’re like anyone I know, you likely struggle sometimes with the practice of letting things go, because most of us do. Our ego clings to things extra hard when we begin to follow a path of freedom and non-judgement.
So, what does one do when wrestling with one’s own mind in a fit of lettin go of something? The first thing I would recommend would be to see if you can shift or open up your perspective of not only the situation/outcome/feeling you’re clinging to, but to the clinging and gripping itself. Ask yourself if what you are white-knuckling to is bringing you well-being, productivity towards a solution, or if this act is serving the higher good of anyone else in the situation/outcome/feeling.
The answer is likely no to all of those examples. With smaller or less emotionally charged circumstances, purely asking yourself that series of questions, “Is this bringing me well-being? Is this bringing me closer to moving on or finding a solution? Is this serving the highest good of anyone involved?” will free you, or allow you to free yourself from that attachment mindset and move on.
With the deeper, or more emotionally charged circumstances I would objectively do some reflection or introspective work. Have you learned your lesson from the events or the way your are feeling as a result? If not, I can promise you that you will not be able to grow before you learn this lesson that’s being presented. However, please acknowledge that this does not call for more clinging to whatever your problem is.
It calls for a lot of quiet and stillness. When there is a lesson at hand and you aren’t quite sure of what it might be or what it is supposed to be, the answer is to go inward. To go inward to listen, not to think. If you’re searching for the lesson you are needing to learn, it is best not to have panicky, stressed, thoughts that are trying to figure it out, but rather to just quietly and consistently ask for the answer to be shown to you.
Your answer will come as soon as your mind gets clear and open enough for it to arrive, I can guarantee you that.
Another method to aid your process in letting go is to look at what you are holding onto for what it is. Are you holding onto something that is of darkness or of light? Holding onto darkness is not only painful, but dangerous. You may have noticed I used the term ‘white-knuckling’ earlier, and I used it for a reason. Think about how you feel when you are holding onto something that tightly.
It hurts, and not in the subtly pretty way that can be real. It just hurts. And think about how you feel after you let go of that grip (whether you feel safe in doing so or not), your hand relaxes, opens up, and though it may have some achiness in the days after it only hurts a mere fraction compared to before.
Letting go does not mean to forgive, or to even move on. It purely means to decide you are done spending your energy in an imbalanced way on something that is not detrimental. Forgiveness will come with other experiences. Letting go is a way of releasing the pain, stress, and worry you may be holding. Any other growth will come further down the road, but you cannot get there until you first let go.
I think many of us can agree that letting go is a lot less scary than holding on is, anyway.